Thursday, March 24, 2011
once again, the drugs given by KTPH has amazed me. its miraculous how i feel better after eating one dose of their drugs and feel a whole lot better before i even have to take the next dose.
i went back to AnE yesterday(23rd Mar 2011)because the pain in my eye/head is still there. this time, the Doctor said that i have sinusitis, something like swollen eye but damn serious. i don't really know how to explain this situation. but i know its caused by virus infection. (readers may check up the term "sinusitis" on wikipedia to learn more about it)
so i'm now hoping that after i finish my course of drugs, i will be cured. lol. also, i have scheduled a medical appointment with the eye specialist tomorrow afternoon. hope i will be able to get a memo from him/her so that i can wear transition lens to camp :)
i went back to AnE yesterday(23rd Mar 2011)because the pain in my eye/head is still there. this time, the Doctor said that i have sinusitis, something like swollen eye but damn serious. i don't really know how to explain this situation. but i know its caused by virus infection. (readers may check up the term "sinusitis" on wikipedia to learn more about it)
so i'm now hoping that after i finish my course of drugs, i will be cured. lol. also, i have scheduled a medical appointment with the eye specialist tomorrow afternoon. hope i will be able to get a memo from him/her so that i can wear transition lens to camp :)
kIrA began his story @ 18:59
... ...
Sunday, March 20, 2011
yay!!
"the cut in your eye healed perfectly. so perfect that no wound was left behind."
this was told to me by the eye specialist at KTPH when i went for the appointment on friday afternoon. i'm feeling much better now. thanks to those who bothered to ask me how was I. really glad to know at least someone is still out there with me in their mind/heart.
anyway, all thats left now is the congestion in my eye, in other words, my eye is still swollen. hope the swell will reduce soon.
"the cut in your eye healed perfectly. so perfect that no wound was left behind."
this was told to me by the eye specialist at KTPH when i went for the appointment on friday afternoon. i'm feeling much better now. thanks to those who bothered to ask me how was I. really glad to know at least someone is still out there with me in their mind/heart.
anyway, all thats left now is the congestion in my eye, in other words, my eye is still swollen. hope the swell will reduce soon.
kIrA began his story @ 00:24
... ...
Thursday, March 17, 2011
i really really want to thank Dr. Corinne Lau from Khoo Teck Phuat Hospital. she gave me the right medicine for my injury. unlike a certain captain from somewhere that i can't mention. he said that it was nothing and just gave me normal eye drops when i had a 3mm cut in my right eye. anyway, i shall rest for now and blog more after my appointment with the eye specialist :)
kIrA began his story @ 00:27
... ...
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
i wish i didn't have parents. all they do is make me cry. why bring me into this world if you are going to make me suffer from all the nonsense between you two?
i wanna move out and stay on my own. but i'm not financially stable to do so. but even so, i know that i will not completely let go because they are my parents.
at this moment, my heart is feeling very sour and tears are rolling down my cheeks as i type this post. how i wish i wouldn't wake up tomorrow morning. how i wish i wouldn't be affected by all their nonsense. how i wish that they will not be around when i open my eyes the next morning.
can someone cry for me?
i wanna move out and stay on my own. but i'm not financially stable to do so. but even so, i know that i will not completely let go because they are my parents.
at this moment, my heart is feeling very sour and tears are rolling down my cheeks as i type this post. how i wish i wouldn't wake up tomorrow morning. how i wish i wouldn't be affected by all their nonsense. how i wish that they will not be around when i open my eyes the next morning.
can someone cry for me?
kIrA began his story @ 21:44
... ...
Sunday, February 13, 2011
yet another week have passed...
felt very angry and pissed off due to some events that happened. i shall not elaborate as i'm trying to let it go. for those who want to know, you may do so by asking me.
went to de-stress by eating good food and buying stuff that i 've wanted for quite some time. it means that i'm actually spending money to de-stress :/
hope that the week to come will be a good one.
some personal feelings and thoughts...
i'm starting to be more fake than i already am. starting to not believe in anything / anyone. no one knows what i'm feeling. they assume from what they see of me and did not care to ask me whether i'm really feeling that way or not. one example would be, some of my friends ask me whether i went to people's house during chinese new year and i just told them no because i did not have friends. i was smiling when i said that and they thought i was really joking when i said that.
i know its not a good sign and i'm aware of my own emotions. but, i have tried very hard to curb my temper and control my emotion. i wonder when will the day come that i will breakdown and do something that cannot be undone.
i'm suffering in silence. and i know that there are people worse off than me.
who can help me???
felt very angry and pissed off due to some events that happened. i shall not elaborate as i'm trying to let it go. for those who want to know, you may do so by asking me.
went to de-stress by eating good food and buying stuff that i 've wanted for quite some time. it means that i'm actually spending money to de-stress :/
hope that the week to come will be a good one.
some personal feelings and thoughts...
i'm starting to be more fake than i already am. starting to not believe in anything / anyone. no one knows what i'm feeling. they assume from what they see of me and did not care to ask me whether i'm really feeling that way or not. one example would be, some of my friends ask me whether i went to people's house during chinese new year and i just told them no because i did not have friends. i was smiling when i said that and they thought i was really joking when i said that.
i know its not a good sign and i'm aware of my own emotions. but, i have tried very hard to curb my temper and control my emotion. i wonder when will the day come that i will breakdown and do something that cannot be undone.
i'm suffering in silence. and i know that there are people worse off than me.
who can help me???
kIrA began his story @ 20:31
... ...
Thursday, February 03, 2011
hey guys and girls, i've just changed the font color and size of my blog to cater to those of you having difficulty to read my blog. if you have any queries or suggestions, kindly post in the tagboard. thank you :)
Happy Chinese New Year people!!!
Welcome to the year of the Bunnies!!
I'm currently blogging from my cousins house in tampines. Its already 3am in the morning and I myself am wondering why I'm not going to bed yet.
Its already the 21st century and my family and relatives broke off from the tradition of the children having to stay awake on chinese new year eve. LOL!!
anyway, some updates of the things happening in my working place (don't get the wrong idea, I'm talking about National Service :/ )
Exercise Phalanx 11 just finished and we were given 2 days off. I reserved one off day for next time and used up one already. the next upcoming event thats going to happen is the Logistic Audit Branch Inspection a.k.a LAB Inspection. Its basically an inspection by LAB on our stores.
next up, some updates on my life on a personal level.
Many things have been going on in my own family and my mother's side of the family (relatives) as well. It has been going on ever since i came into this world. I'm not exaggerating here. for those interested in the story, please come and ask me. that aside, i'm glad i had a peaceful evening today on CNY eve.
a few days ago, i got a hint from my mum asking me when i'm going to bring a girlfriend home. although she didn't say it out loud and direct, but i'm sure i got her meaning between the lines. I'm 22 this year. many would say that i'm still young. but i feel that i want to settle down earlier. the reason for it is hard for me to put in words. but i'll update soon on that too. for the girls out there, i'm not being desperate here. LOL!! i just have my reasons. a few of you may already know the reasons. for those who don't, if you'll just give me a chance, you will definitely be able to find out more.
alright people, i'm gonna knock out soon. had a bit too much of choya just now plus severe lack of sufficient and uninterrupted rest. haha.
good nite, "wan an", oyasumi nasai.
kIrA began his story @ 03:42
... ...
Welcome to the year of the Bunnies!!
I'm currently blogging from my cousins house in tampines. Its already 3am in the morning and I myself am wondering why I'm not going to bed yet.
Its already the 21st century and my family and relatives broke off from the tradition of the children having to stay awake on chinese new year eve. LOL!!
anyway, some updates of the things happening in my working place (don't get the wrong idea, I'm talking about National Service :/ )
Exercise Phalanx 11 just finished and we were given 2 days off. I reserved one off day for next time and used up one already. the next upcoming event thats going to happen is the Logistic Audit Branch Inspection a.k.a LAB Inspection. Its basically an inspection by LAB on our stores.
next up, some updates on my life on a personal level.
Many things have been going on in my own family and my mother's side of the family (relatives) as well. It has been going on ever since i came into this world. I'm not exaggerating here. for those interested in the story, please come and ask me. that aside, i'm glad i had a peaceful evening today on CNY eve.
a few days ago, i got a hint from my mum asking me when i'm going to bring a girlfriend home. although she didn't say it out loud and direct, but i'm sure i got her meaning between the lines. I'm 22 this year. many would say that i'm still young. but i feel that i want to settle down earlier. the reason for it is hard for me to put in words. but i'll update soon on that too. for the girls out there, i'm not being desperate here. LOL!! i just have my reasons. a few of you may already know the reasons. for those who don't, if you'll just give me a chance, you will definitely be able to find out more.
alright people, i'm gonna knock out soon. had a bit too much of choya just now plus severe lack of sufficient and uninterrupted rest. haha.
good nite, "wan an", oyasumi nasai.
kIrA began his story @ 03:03
... ...
Sunday, January 23, 2011
i saw this somewhere but i cant rememberwhere. some text are edited like names and etc.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
ppl call me david. I have lived for 21 years and counting and I'm living through a lot of heartbroken feelings/memories and pain in my life.
everyday which i have spent, is making me lose my way and direction. The bruises i carry never seems to heal, my mind is dark and no one else seems to understand or even want to help. As always, i will be alone in this world, fighting my dark thoughts by myself.
i used to let people in, now i don't even bother to try, having been hurt so many times in the past. i don't trust in relationship anymore. But i REALLY do wanna trust someone. No matter if i see anyone or not, deep down, I'm waiting for someone to come & set me free and teach me where to find my way/direction, and i just want to be happy.
as this song is sung like this...
Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you... I am afraid
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
i feel that this really is what my heart wants to say which i didnt say out all this while. hope to see someone come by someday to set me free............
hello, i'm back for some blogging.
currently in mandai camp 1 slogging my days in NS as a supply assistant for general equipment A.K.A. storeman. i'm not complaining as i have enjoyed my block leave after BMT so i think its fair to work hard now :)
not thinking about the future recently as it seems quite impossible. but its not that i have given up on it. just putting that idea aside for now. also feeling very tired nowadays. hope for the best though.
since im working 8am to 5pm, i guess i'll be going back for some badminton after work. although i'll be damn tired, but at least i can release some stress there.
still feeling lonely even after being so busy everyday ;/
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
ppl call me david. I have lived for 21 years and counting and I'm living through a lot of heartbroken feelings/memories and pain in my life.
everyday which i have spent, is making me lose my way and direction. The bruises i carry never seems to heal, my mind is dark and no one else seems to understand or even want to help. As always, i will be alone in this world, fighting my dark thoughts by myself.
i used to let people in, now i don't even bother to try, having been hurt so many times in the past. i don't trust in relationship anymore. But i REALLY do wanna trust someone. No matter if i see anyone or not, deep down, I'm waiting for someone to come & set me free and teach me where to find my way/direction, and i just want to be happy.
as this song is sung like this...
Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you... I am afraid
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
i feel that this really is what my heart wants to say which i didnt say out all this while. hope to see someone come by someday to set me free............
kIrA began his story @ 04:25
... ...
currently in mandai camp 1 slogging my days in NS as a supply assistant for general equipment A.K.A. storeman. i'm not complaining as i have enjoyed my block leave after BMT so i think its fair to work hard now :)
not thinking about the future recently as it seems quite impossible. but its not that i have given up on it. just putting that idea aside for now. also feeling very tired nowadays. hope for the best though.
since im working 8am to 5pm, i guess i'll be going back for some badminton after work. although i'll be damn tired, but at least i can release some stress there.
still feeling lonely even after being so busy everyday ;/
kIrA began his story @ 04:16
... ...
Saturday, January 01, 2011
its been 8 weeks since i enlisted for national service. so sorry to those who visited my blog for not updating.
quite a few things have happened ever since i enlisted. my emotions also went from up in the sky till down in the valley. a few holidays also passed, like hari raya haji, christmas, and new year which is today. i did enjoy my book out days with friends. and i also want to thank those who were with me when i was feeling down.
once again, i'm facing the same old question again. why i can help others but not myself? it's always the case ever since the day i've been helping others. sick and tired of myself, of others, of this world, of everything!! i agree to the saying that it's really not good to know too much. the more you know, the more dangerous you are. sigh.
no mood to continue blogging. sorry guys, and girls. till next time. jaa
quite a few things have happened ever since i enlisted. my emotions also went from up in the sky till down in the valley. a few holidays also passed, like hari raya haji, christmas, and new year which is today. i did enjoy my book out days with friends. and i also want to thank those who were with me when i was feeling down.
once again, i'm facing the same old question again. why i can help others but not myself? it's always the case ever since the day i've been helping others. sick and tired of myself, of others, of this world, of everything!! i agree to the saying that it's really not good to know too much. the more you know, the more dangerous you are. sigh.
no mood to continue blogging. sorry guys, and girls. till next time. jaa
kIrA began his story @ 17:15
... ...
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
counting down to the long awaited NS enlistment... 14 more days...
why does most of the people that i know think that i'm being emotional when i'm not talking? i wonder... i admit, i don't really talk much. after all, i'm more of a listener than a talker. and i don't really talk for about 80% of the time unless people ask me questions. but, not talking doesn't mean i'm emotional, okay? :)
it's just that i happen to be a really good listener. i can listen to people talk non-stop for about 4 hrs without them even hearing me speak a word. actually, things happen for a reason. i used to be a chatterbox when i was younger. but there was an incident that made me to feel not like talking. well, although the incident was really an accident. but, it's really good as not many people open up their ears to listen to others these days.
HOWEVER, when i'm really emotional, i will say that i am. so don't worry about me, okay? i want to apologize to those of my friends who felt like they were talking to a wall when talking to me. :/
really wish to have a relationship now. not because of comparison, not because i just want to have one, but because i feel really empty. it really suck to feel empty. just like when i'm very hungry but there is no cookie in the cookie jar :(
lack of love is no good for the body and soul. don't misunderstand when i say body. but it really is not good as i always lack the energy and motivation to do stuff.
sigh. i'm not very good after all. i recently advised one of my friend to go get a girlfriend but i couldn't even get one myself. sadded :(
why does most of the people that i know think that i'm being emotional when i'm not talking? i wonder... i admit, i don't really talk much. after all, i'm more of a listener than a talker. and i don't really talk for about 80% of the time unless people ask me questions. but, not talking doesn't mean i'm emotional, okay? :)
it's just that i happen to be a really good listener. i can listen to people talk non-stop for about 4 hrs without them even hearing me speak a word. actually, things happen for a reason. i used to be a chatterbox when i was younger. but there was an incident that made me to feel not like talking. well, although the incident was really an accident. but, it's really good as not many people open up their ears to listen to others these days.
HOWEVER, when i'm really emotional, i will say that i am. so don't worry about me, okay? i want to apologize to those of my friends who felt like they were talking to a wall when talking to me. :/
really wish to have a relationship now. not because of comparison, not because i just want to have one, but because i feel really empty. it really suck to feel empty. just like when i'm very hungry but there is no cookie in the cookie jar :(
lack of love is no good for the body and soul. don't misunderstand when i say body. but it really is not good as i always lack the energy and motivation to do stuff.
sigh. i'm not very good after all. i recently advised one of my friend to go get a girlfriend but i couldn't even get one myself. sadded :(
kIrA began his story @ 21:20
... ...
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
it's been quite awhile since my last post. i have been enjoying my life lately as i'm left with a little less than a months time till i enlist for national service. Finally!!! the long awaited national service.
also have been quite emotional lately due to some events that occurred. and i thought that i would feel better after talking to celest that night. who knows that i would still feel the same after letting out. but i must say that i'm having difficulty unlocking some of the deeper things kept within. the things that i told her were some of those that were on the outside and were easily let out. sigh. i need time. but i don't have it.
i think i'm currently at a stage where i cannot move forward on my path towards my dream. without time and money, there's really nothing much that i can do. everything have to wait.
one this is for sure, and that is that i'm going to finally have my own room. everything inside the room will be mine. or i should say that everything inside my room is my thing, my own stuff :D
i sometimes wish that i'm not a singaporean, wish that i'm not staying in singapore. its far too stressful. too fast pace. i sometimes envy those friends from other countries. but, there's pros and cons. so all i can do is envy. singapore's standard of living is way too high. can't really stand it. in the past, a mcdonalds meal is less than $5. now, an average mcdonalds meal would easily cost up to $7 to $9 (non inclusive of mc value lunch). why isn't our pay increasing? sigh.
also have been quite emotional lately due to some events that occurred. and i thought that i would feel better after talking to celest that night. who knows that i would still feel the same after letting out. but i must say that i'm having difficulty unlocking some of the deeper things kept within. the things that i told her were some of those that were on the outside and were easily let out. sigh. i need time. but i don't have it.
i think i'm currently at a stage where i cannot move forward on my path towards my dream. without time and money, there's really nothing much that i can do. everything have to wait.
one this is for sure, and that is that i'm going to finally have my own room. everything inside the room will be mine. or i should say that everything inside my room is my thing, my own stuff :D
i sometimes wish that i'm not a singaporean, wish that i'm not staying in singapore. its far too stressful. too fast pace. i sometimes envy those friends from other countries. but, there's pros and cons. so all i can do is envy. singapore's standard of living is way too high. can't really stand it. in the past, a mcdonalds meal is less than $5. now, an average mcdonalds meal would easily cost up to $7 to $9 (non inclusive of mc value lunch). why isn't our pay increasing? sigh.
kIrA began his story @ 07:13
... ...
Saturday, September 25, 2010
its been such a long time since i cried while watching a show. i just watched a japanese movie 《为己而生》. it has japanese dialogue with chinese subtitles. and i really cried throughout the show.
the show is about a guy "hikaru" who sees himself as a girl. he didn't let the people around him know that he was a guy and no one could really tell as he was dressed as a girl. there are also a few others like him in the show,of which, only 1 of them "kasumi rin" went through the operation to become a real girl(physically). in the end, hikaru persuaded his family to allow him to pursue his own way of living, including going through with the operation to change his sex.
the reason i cried mainly is because i feel that he is courageous in a sense that he is able to go through the process of having others acknowledge his way of thinking, even though its tough.
i personally and honestly don't possess such courage to do so.
i would recommend those who are more emotionally attached to watch this show on PPS, although you may need some tissue paper, but i feel that its worth it.
personal rating for content: 3 / 5
personal rating for overall: 4 / 5 *** ***
《为己而生》剧情简介
生理和心理的性别在一出身就已经不同。这部日剧是描写1名生来具有男性肉体而内心却是女性的“女子大生”的辛苦经历。被医生诊断为性别障碍的主人公决定了要做变性手术，可是主人公的父亲因打算让儿子继承家业而大为反对。另外，在主人公的周围发生的一连串的事件和家族内亲人意见的不合，使家庭陷入了大混乱之中。
最终，主人公决定要“为己而生”的愿望是否会实现呢？这是描述了至今为止受到偏见和差别的性别障碍人们的写实派戏剧。
the show is about a guy "hikaru" who sees himself as a girl. he didn't let the people around him know that he was a guy and no one could really tell as he was dressed as a girl. there are also a few others like him in the show,of which, only 1 of them "kasumi rin" went through the operation to become a real girl(physically). in the end, hikaru persuaded his family to allow him to pursue his own way of living, including going through with the operation to change his sex.
the reason i cried mainly is because i feel that he is courageous in a sense that he is able to go through the process of having others acknowledge his way of thinking, even though its tough.
i personally and honestly don't possess such courage to do so.
i would recommend those who are more emotionally attached to watch this show on PPS, although you may need some tissue paper, but i feel that its worth it.
personal rating for content: 3 / 5
《为己而生》剧情简介
生理和心理的性别在一出身就已经不同。这部日剧是描写1名生来具有男性肉体而内心却是女性的“女子大生”的辛苦经历。被医生诊断为性别障碍的主人公决定了要做变性手术，可是主人公的父亲因打算让儿子继承家业而大为反对。另外，在主人公的周围发生的一连串的事件和家族内亲人意见的不合，使家庭陷入了大混乱之中。
最终，主人公决定要“为己而生”的愿望是否会实现呢？这是描述了至今为止受到偏见和差别的性别障碍人们的写实派戏剧。
kIrA began his story @ 06:02
... ...
Friday, September 17, 2010
its halfway through september already. recently busy with helping my cousin to set up her business. also trying to help her create her portfolio as she is a photographer.
a little less than 2 months time left till i enlist for national service. although i don't feel any excitement about going in, but i still can't wait for it because it's still better than having nothing to do at all.
having mood swings more often lately. reason unknown. but am having trouble communicating with others because of it.
some thoughts to share...
i feel that after so long, i'm still locked up in my own world. i always hear my friends telling me not to think too much. but sometimes, i can't really control what i think about. and, how much is too much?
i keep convincing myself that maybe i experienced too much for my age already. but others say otherwise. and i think that's when i feel that i have trouble communicating with others. maybe it's because i can't adapt to the conversation level. or maybe it's because i'm just not willing to. i don't know. but because of this, i am not willing to go out, or go to events.
i always live in a state of confusion. and whenever i'm in a clear state of mind, i tend to think about the negatives. it's a good thing when you are going to do business or planning. but it's not good to ALWAYS think about the negatives only, right? it's also something i can't control.
i wish that there was an external force to bring me out. wish someone could unlock my world. wish that someone would know me, try to understand me. i wish that friends would not be friends who only contact when needed but also contact when not needed. i guess that saying that it's human nature doesn't help much, but it really is.
help me, anyone?
a little less than 2 months time left till i enlist for national service. although i don't feel any excitement about going in, but i still can't wait for it because it's still better than having nothing to do at all.
having mood swings more often lately. reason unknown. but am having trouble communicating with others because of it.
i feel that after so long, i'm still locked up in my own world. i always hear my friends telling me not to think too much. but sometimes, i can't really control what i think about. and, how much is too much?
i keep convincing myself that maybe i experienced too much for my age already. but others say otherwise. and i think that's when i feel that i have trouble communicating with others. maybe it's because i can't adapt to the conversation level. or maybe it's because i'm just not willing to. i don't know. but because of this, i am not willing to go out, or go to events.
i always live in a state of confusion. and whenever i'm in a clear state of mind, i tend to think about the negatives. it's a good thing when you are going to do business or planning. but it's not good to ALWAYS think about the negatives only, right? it's also something i can't control.
i wish that there was an external force to bring me out. wish someone could unlock my world. wish that someone would know me, try to understand me. i wish that friends would not be friends who only contact when needed but also contact when not needed. i guess that saying that it's human nature doesn't help much, but it really is.
help me, anyone?
kIrA began his story @ 15:59
... ...
Monday, August 09, 2010
its national day already. and i'm working on the night of national day. have been slogging my days at work, and before i knew it, its already the month of august. i should be quitting my job at around the end of august or mid september, if it all goes well.
i always have quite abit of free time during work, so many a time thoughts will run through my mind. even though i have already thought about it before, but im still thinking about it again. OMG!! what am i thinking???
a lot of things i want to do, to accomplish, but yet undone, unable to materialize them yet. what should i do??
if possible, i just want to bury myself in my own world, never ever will i open up to anyone. but can i really do that?? reality is always cruel. :(
or maybe i can just bury myself in music? though i have been doing that. *sigh* the things that revolve around me: music, badminton, work, sleep, food. nothing else.
suddenly remembered something that bernice said when i commented about her latest self-composed music, "why i always like slow/emo songs?" haha. well, my answer would be, if you were in my shoes, you wouldn't be happy about it. not because that the shoe size is too big, but rather the condition/situation thats the problem.
*sigh again* was just chatting with my cousin on msn and i asked her, "whats the definition of a close friend. her answer was, "close friends are ppl who will support u no matter wat..... ppl who can talk abt anything under the sun.... ppl who u can share ur opinion on..... ppl who u can talk more indepth topics like life etc..." but my answer is much more simpler but yet the opposite. my answer is, "close friends are those that truly understands you." but then, another question pops up. whats the difference between close friends and best friends?
no wonder i keep hearing my friends telling me not to think too much.
back to the topic with bernice, i remember u saying that you don't know/understand me very well. well, who does? im a rather emotional guy, yet logical in a sense. sometimes when i hear a happy song, i will cry, and sometimes when i hear a sad song, it may not be sad to me. haha. weird right?
i feel that being emotional is not such a bad thing. although my friends will keep asking me to not be emotional.
a phrase came to my mind. "its all about levels" haha. guess who i heard it from? russell peters. and its true to a certain extent. all this while, im seeking someone who understands me. but, easier said than done. i have many friends. but none who understands me. i know some friends will say they understand me after i say that no one understands me. but, as i have said. its all about levels.
think about it. do you have someone who truly understands you?
more recounts ...
*** ***
24 july 2010 - saturday 3.07pm
i just came home from eating with my cousin at lot 1, choa chu kang. We had lunch at pastamania and had dessert at mof-japanese sweets.
then, when i was at the carpark of my block, i saw the back of a pretty girl walking towards the lift to my block. At that time, i was already thinking which floor she stayed at. We then went into the lift together and i chance upon the face of a cute, pretty girl. She should be in her teens, probably studying in a polytechnic becausw i saw books in her bag. And judging from her looks and clothing, yes, she must be studying at some polytechnic.
she then pressed the button to the fifth floor when i was still admiring her looks. So, embarrassedly, i pressed the button to the eighth floor. we then went our own way home.
Wonder if i'll ever meet her again.........
i always have quite abit of free time during work, so many a time thoughts will run through my mind. even though i have already thought about it before, but im still thinking about it again. OMG!! what am i thinking???
a lot of things i want to do, to accomplish, but yet undone, unable to materialize them yet. what should i do??
if possible, i just want to bury myself in my own world, never ever will i open up to anyone. but can i really do that?? reality is always cruel. :(
or maybe i can just bury myself in music? though i have been doing that. *sigh* the things that revolve around me: music, badminton, work, sleep, food. nothing else.
suddenly remembered something that bernice said when i commented about her latest self-composed music, "why i always like slow/emo songs?" haha. well, my answer would be, if you were in my shoes, you wouldn't be happy about it. not because that the shoe size is too big, but rather the condition/situation thats the problem.
*sigh again* was just chatting with my cousin on msn and i asked her, "whats the definition of a close friend. her answer was, "close friends are ppl who will support u no matter wat..... ppl who can talk abt anything under the sun.... ppl who u can share ur opinion on..... ppl who u can talk more indepth topics like life etc..." but my answer is much more simpler but yet the opposite. my answer is, "close friends are those that truly understands you." but then, another question pops up. whats the difference between close friends and best friends?
no wonder i keep hearing my friends telling me not to think too much.
back to the topic with bernice, i remember u saying that you don't know/understand me very well. well, who does? im a rather emotional guy, yet logical in a sense. sometimes when i hear a happy song, i will cry, and sometimes when i hear a sad song, it may not be sad to me. haha. weird right?
i feel that being emotional is not such a bad thing. although my friends will keep asking me to not be emotional.
a phrase came to my mind. "its all about levels" haha. guess who i heard it from? russell peters. and its true to a certain extent. all this while, im seeking someone who understands me. but, easier said than done. i have many friends. but none who understands me. i know some friends will say they understand me after i say that no one understands me. but, as i have said. its all about levels.
think about it. do you have someone who truly understands you?
kIrA began his story @ 01:10
... ...
24 july 2010 - saturday 3.07pm
i just came home from eating with my cousin at lot 1, choa chu kang. We had lunch at pastamania and had dessert at mof-japanese sweets.
then, when i was at the carpark of my block, i saw the back of a pretty girl walking towards the lift to my block. At that time, i was already thinking which floor she stayed at. We then went into the lift together and i chance upon the face of a cute, pretty girl. She should be in her teens, probably studying in a polytechnic becausw i saw books in her bag. And judging from her looks and clothing, yes, she must be studying at some polytechnic.
she then pressed the button to the fifth floor when i was still admiring her looks. So, embarrassedly, i pressed the button to the eighth floor. we then went our own way home.
Wonder if i'll ever meet her again.........
kIrA began his story @ 00:56
... ...
Sunday, July 18, 2010
been 15 days since my last post. shall give a personal recount for some of the events that happened in the last 15 days..
*** *** 13 july 2010 - tuesday 9.30pm
i went to a petrol station near my house to pump petrol for my motorcycle. When i was about to leave after paying for my petrol, i saw a white butterfly.
It had wings that were pure white in color. it seemed so beautiful and graceful. Then i realized that i am afraid of butterflies, so i jumped back a step.
Everyone was wondering why the butterfly was able to fly in, because the cashier counter was in a air conditioned environment. But at the point of time, i noticed that it wasn't a normal butterfly. I could feel its presence as though something was inside the butterfly (you know what). But it seems weird because it looked like the size of a normal butterfly.
At the same time, i remembered an anime called "bleach" where there were "hell butterflies" that were black in color and that normal humans were not able to see them.
Sounds cool and mysterious, right?
*** *** 14 july 2010 - wednesday 1.50am
not very long ago, i contacted one of my friends, bernice. Because not very long ago before i contacted her, i saw her self-composition video on facebook and youtube. She is a pianist.
So i asked her whether she would like to make some music together with her, and she agreed. Then, i realized that she is still schooling and i'm still working. So the only time we are available is during september to october.
The music she composes is almost perfect. And i'm guilty to say that i'm still miles away from her, in terms of skill. *sigh* wonder how we can make music together.
But i also realized another thing, which is my stamina dropped drastically. An example is that in the past, i could blow and hold a single note for around 16 seconds. But i can't do it now. I'm already breathless when i blow and hold a note for 10 seconds. Guess i'll have to really train up my stamina soon.
really can't wait to hear the music made by us.
*** *** 15 july 2010 - thursday 1.20am
listening to the whole album of 不能说的.秘密 Original soundtrack once again. Its been quite awhile since i heard any of the songs from the album.
The reason im hearing it again is because im trying to get some 灵感 to compose a song. *sigh* hard to compose songs these days because all i've been doing is work and work and work some more.
Anyone can give me suggestions on how to compose songs for piano and chinese flute?? the kind of song that i would like to compose would be sentimental, slow to moderate tempo and that it should sound soothing to the ears.
Haha. I know its possible to do so. Only that i has to do more research. My friend suggested that i go to the esplanade library to look up some scores. But, its difficult for me to combine chinese flute and piano music together. The sound, taste, flavor, everything sounds weird. Maybe it's just me.
Hope that i am able to compose a song like this someday.
*** *** yea.. the recounts above are all written when i was at work. so some of it are my thoughts. feeling lonely and empty recently. who is able to share my feelings? who is able to understand me??
i went to a petrol station near my house to pump petrol for my motorcycle. When i was about to leave after paying for my petrol, i saw a white butterfly.
It had wings that were pure white in color. it seemed so beautiful and graceful. Then i realized that i am afraid of butterflies, so i jumped back a step.
Everyone was wondering why the butterfly was able to fly in, because the cashier counter was in a air conditioned environment. But at the point of time, i noticed that it wasn't a normal butterfly. I could feel its presence as though something was inside the butterfly (you know what). But it seems weird because it looked like the size of a normal butterfly.
At the same time, i remembered an anime called "bleach" where there were "hell butterflies" that were black in color and that normal humans were not able to see them.
Sounds cool and mysterious, right?
not very long ago, i contacted one of my friends, bernice. Because not very long ago before i contacted her, i saw her self-composition video on facebook and youtube. She is a pianist.
So i asked her whether she would like to make some music together with her, and she agreed. Then, i realized that she is still schooling and i'm still working. So the only time we are available is during september to october.
The music she composes is almost perfect. And i'm guilty to say that i'm still miles away from her, in terms of skill. *sigh* wonder how we can make music together.
But i also realized another thing, which is my stamina dropped drastically. An example is that in the past, i could blow and hold a single note for around 16 seconds. But i can't do it now. I'm already breathless when i blow and hold a note for 10 seconds. Guess i'll have to really train up my stamina soon.
really can't wait to hear the music made by us.
listening to the whole album of 不能说的.秘密 Original soundtrack once again. Its been quite awhile since i heard any of the songs from the album.
The reason im hearing it again is because im trying to get some 灵感 to compose a song. *sigh* hard to compose songs these days because all i've been doing is work and work and work some more.
Anyone can give me suggestions on how to compose songs for piano and chinese flute?? the kind of song that i would like to compose would be sentimental, slow to moderate tempo and that it should sound soothing to the ears.
Haha. I know its possible to do so. Only that i has to do more research. My friend suggested that i go to the esplanade library to look up some scores. But, its difficult for me to combine chinese flute and piano music together. The sound, taste, flavor, everything sounds weird. Maybe it's just me.
Hope that i am able to compose a song like this someday.
kIrA began his story @ 19:15
... ...
Monday, July 05, 2010
Something to laugh...
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let’s face it – English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted; but if we explore its paradoxes,
We'll find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea-pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends,
And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not Mop?
A
♥ Amanda
B
♥ Bernice
J
♥ Jane ♥ Jet Sheng ♥ Jo-Lin ♥ Jun Yin
K
♥ KPTT
M
♥ Maddie TSL ♥ Mariee Wong ♥ Ming Yue ♥ Mong shui
N
♥ Nelson ♥ NPBC
Q
♥ Qiao Yi
R
♥ Ru Yu
S
♥ Sheilina
T
♥ Tira ♥ Teng Siong
W
♥ Wei Huang
X
♥ Xin Yi
Y
♥ Yanting ♥ Yi Hui ♥ Yu Hui
Z
♥ Zhen Guang ♥ Zhi Xuan
Other Blogs/Websites
♥ Crochet Patterns
♥ Personalized Pens
♥ Kite Culture
♥ Passion Kites
♥ Wind-Finder/Weather Forecast @ WCP
♥ Wind-Finder/Weather Forecast @ ECP
♥ STICKY!!!
♥ Starlet office supplies
Celebs
♥ Felicia Chin 陈靓瑄
♥ Linda Chung 鍾嘉欣
♥ Rainie Yang 楊丞琳
♥ Koni Lui 吕慧儀
♥ Fala Chen 陈法拉
♥ 郭书瑶
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let’s face it – English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted; but if we explore its paradoxes,
We'll find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea-pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends,
And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not Mop?
kIrA began his story @ 02:36
... ...
Sunday, June 20, 2010
another week has passed since I've started work. nothing much interesting to blog about. everyday was just sleep-wake up-work to me. and the cycle goes on. although nothing much happened through the week, but many things came to my mind. below is a part of my thoughts while i was on a bus yesterday heading towards chinatown to meet my cousin.
(start of thoughts)
"Should I pursue my dreams, or should I pursue a normal life instead? This question kept repeating itself while I was on a bus heading to Chinatown today.
Ever since I started working again on the 10th of June, I feel that I have returned to the workforce. And because I have not worked in quite some time, I can really feel the strain on my health, be it physically, or mentally. Then, questions like "why am I working? What am I working for?" will pop up in my mind. Am I working for the experience? Am I working for the money?? Or am I working, simply just to past time???
My answer was that I am working for the money, after considering my current situation/status. So, there goes my health, down the drain, into the sea :X
As I was on the bus, I saw some of my friends. I called out to them and chatted for awhile before they alighted at their stop. After they left, I saw one of my female friend, holding hands with her boyfriend. As I had chatted with them earlier, I realized that she was leading a simple/normal life like every kid would. Of course, I’m not saying that my life is not simple or normal. But it’s just that she is contented with the way everything is in the current lifestyle.
That’s when the question pops up in my mind. Should I continue to strive towards my dreams/goals? Or should I just pursue a simple lifestyle like my friend by just finish studying, going ns, get a full time job, settle down and get married and enjoy the latter half of my life??
Well, if anyone was given a choice, I think they would say "can I have both?" and I would say the same thing too.
And the obvious answer would be, no! Then I was considering what I would need in order to pursue my dreams.
My dream is to be a boss of a company. But that’s too vague, isn't it? I want to open a studio, cafe and form a band, cut an album. Is that too much to ask for? Maybe that is, because not many people can materialize those dreams, maybe not even one of them in their lifetime, not even saying that I want to accomplish all of them.
So in order to pursue my dreams, I would need a rather large amount of capital, which is exactly why I’m working right now. But somehow, I feel that it’s rather lonely when I think back. People of my age right now are in relationships, going shopping, enjoying life, while I’m thinking of ways to earn more money to do what I want to in the future.
What should I do?"
(end of thoughts)
(start of thoughts)
Ever since I started working again on the 10th of June, I feel that I have returned to the workforce. And because I have not worked in quite some time, I can really feel the strain on my health, be it physically, or mentally. Then, questions like "why am I working? What am I working for?" will pop up in my mind. Am I working for the experience? Am I working for the money?? Or am I working, simply just to past time???
My answer was that I am working for the money, after considering my current situation/status. So, there goes my health, down the drain, into the sea :X
As I was on the bus, I saw some of my friends. I called out to them and chatted for awhile before they alighted at their stop. After they left, I saw one of my female friend, holding hands with her boyfriend. As I had chatted with them earlier, I realized that she was leading a simple/normal life like every kid would. Of course, I’m not saying that my life is not simple or normal. But it’s just that she is contented with the way everything is in the current lifestyle.
That’s when the question pops up in my mind. Should I continue to strive towards my dreams/goals? Or should I just pursue a simple lifestyle like my friend by just finish studying, going ns, get a full time job, settle down and get married and enjoy the latter half of my life??
Well, if anyone was given a choice, I think they would say "can I have both?" and I would say the same thing too.
And the obvious answer would be, no! Then I was considering what I would need in order to pursue my dreams.
My dream is to be a boss of a company. But that’s too vague, isn't it? I want to open a studio, cafe and form a band, cut an album. Is that too much to ask for? Maybe that is, because not many people can materialize those dreams, maybe not even one of them in their lifetime, not even saying that I want to accomplish all of them.
So in order to pursue my dreams, I would need a rather large amount of capital, which is exactly why I’m working right now. But somehow, I feel that it’s rather lonely when I think back. People of my age right now are in relationships, going shopping, enjoying life, while I’m thinking of ways to earn more money to do what I want to in the future.
What should I do?"
kIrA began his story @ 15:58
... ...
Monday, June 14, 2010
this weekend pass by really quick for me. because i was running here and there, buying stuff for people and not myself :(
after work ended on saturday morning, i went home to sleep, woke up in the evening and rushed down to suntec to get PC show flyers for my bro coz he's buying a laptop. didn't sleep on saturday night as my body already adapted to the working hours, which was not sleeping from 10pm till 8am.
went down to suntec again on sunday to officially buy my bro's laptop. my cousin went down with me to get her destop *envious* after that, went down to my aunt's house to provide technical consultation to her. did not sleep on sunday night either.
and finally, im tired now. so, good night :D
after work ended on saturday morning, i went home to sleep, woke up in the evening and rushed down to suntec to get PC show flyers for my bro coz he's buying a laptop. didn't sleep on saturday night as my body already adapted to the working hours, which was not sleeping from 10pm till 8am.
went down to suntec again on sunday to officially buy my bro's laptop. my cousin went down with me to get her destop *envious* after that, went down to my aunt's house to provide technical consultation to her. did not sleep on sunday night either.
and finally, im tired now. so, good night :D
kIrA began his story @ 08:43
... ...
***
heart without love, body without soul
***
david ~ kira ~ xiiao vid ~ chino
17 Nov 1989
scorpio/libra(new zodiac system)
♥ Badminton
♥ Music
♥ Driving / Riding
♥ Staying outside
♥ Watching show / anime
91591913
techno159@hotmail.com
***
Please refresh the page if you don't see the tag box updated. Thanks :D
***
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
A
♥ Amanda
B
♥ Bernice
J
♥ Jane ♥ Jet Sheng ♥ Jo-Lin ♥ Jun Yin
K
♥ KPTT
M
♥ Maddie TSL ♥ Mariee Wong ♥ Ming Yue ♥ Mong shui
N
♥ Nelson ♥ NPBC
Q
♥ Qiao Yi
R
♥ Ru Yu
S
♥ Sheilina
T
♥ Tira ♥ Teng Siong
W
♥ Wei Huang
X
♥ Xin Yi
Y
♥ Yanting ♥ Yi Hui ♥ Yu Hui
Z
♥ Zhen Guang ♥ Zhi Xuan
Other Blogs/Websites
♥ Crochet Patterns
♥ Personalized Pens
♥ Kite Culture
♥ Passion Kites
♥ Wind-Finder/Weather Forecast @ WCP
♥ Wind-Finder/Weather Forecast @ ECP
♥ STICKY!!!
♥ Starlet office supplies
Celebs
♥ Felicia Chin 陈靓瑄
♥ Linda Chung 鍾嘉欣
♥ Rainie Yang 楊丞琳
♥ Koni Lui 吕慧儀
♥ Fala Chen 陈法拉
♥ 郭书瑶
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***